Trust what you know more than fearing what you don’t. My own worst critic…..it took 7 years to complete my associates degree. The answer to what do you want to be when you grow up…maybe a nurse, maybe a business professional, maybe a microbiologist, maybe maybe I still don’t even know. But truly we don’t always know before we move forward, do we? Can I handle 6 hours in a mini-mester of 8 weeks? Can I handle the overlap of two weeks when I’ll have 12 hours, which is more like 24 since its a mini-mester? Does anyone have that time? My brain hurts from even thinking this. I take a deep breath and realize it’s not about how fast I get there, but just that I do, for myself.
I have questions, doubts and fears, but the only thing that outweighs them are my hopes, dreams and love. A little wedding, a little house, a little family, and maybe one day another little baby of our own. My “thing” what “does it for me” shifted from material things to desires of a family and those things money can’t buy. Those things to precious to have a dollar value. I went from single to insta-family in an instant. In addition to being a partner, I became a mom too. Thinking about how the woman I am affects her now and will in the future. Am I going to teach her to be led by her fears or her dreams? And will I have the life experience and character to speak truth to her? Will my life be an example of how-to or how-not-to?
Our life decisions affect not only us, but also those that love us. Like ripples in a pond…make a bad decision and it will invariably affect our environment….make a good decision and the legacy grows from there. One moment, one decision at a time, we build our lives or we tear them down. I want to leave a legacy of love, faith, commitment, devotion, selflessness, strength, resiliency, beauty, and depth of character…thus my decisions should reflect just that.
This is your life… live it with intention.
Release the guilt & shame because with then you cannot move forward. Take a deep breath, acknowledge where your being led…..go
Seek me first in all things. I am your nourisher and provider. I can give you the wholeness your heart desires. Is it a thoughtful loving note? I gave you my words in the bible. Do you want a dozen roses? They were created by me and you can have as many as you’d like. I know your heart longs for romance, I will provide all the desires of your soul. Take a deep breath and let it all go…seek me with all you are. Spend time with me, fall in love with me again.
I determine your worth. You think you are unworthy, not good enough…those my dear are lies. I’ve called you by name, you are the heavenly daughter of the king of kings. How much does your earthy Daddy love you? Are you not his baby girl? Surely I tell you, you are the apple of my eye and my most precious baby girl. I have vowed to love you and protect you. Stand in confidence, you are my joy, my masterpiece. Compare yourself to no one because you are one of a kind.
- Your Redeemer
Maybe it is a disability, maybe it’s something life has dealt that seems unfair, whatever it may be we all have a cross to bear. Instead of complaining or becoming discontent, accept it and move forward becoming better because of it. Allow that struggle to refine your character, keep your eyes up. Sit with the discomfort and know this too will pass. Learning to manage disappointment well is a fine quality to possess. Trust that God will provide for all you need, even when you stumble and fall…He’ll be there to lift you again.
Love is commitment on steroids.
There is something about confessing aloud that helps heal my hurts. For the past month, I have looked in the mirror and have not felt good about what I’ve seen. I don’t know if its the weather giving me dry skin or if the hair color I tried glows a little too red. Blotchy skin and hints of ginger, I detect additional not so fine lines on my forehead and around my mouth. While speaking to one of my mentors, she commented that’s not what God sees. I paused and realized she was right - I somehow got so busy preparing physically for my day and ceased preparing myself spiritually. Where are the mornings of waking up early and preparing my heart for the day? Those moments spent in meditation and prayer, drinking coffee and journaling bring me a great peace. Being in communion with my creator and focusing my energy on the blessings before me. I fell victim to the world and my idea of perfect beauty.
Awareness is key. I do think I will treat myself to a makeover this weekend, maybe some bronzer lotion, test a new facial cleanser, maybe a new foundation too. Might even go all out and get my hair done professionally (this color is less than stellar). But most importantly, I vow this weekend to get back to the basics. Get back to being awoken early in the morning with a desire to spend alone time with God. While the world is still sleeping being in silence and communion. The not feeling beautiful is a symptom of not living in the grace of God, its a symptom of not seeing myself through my Father’s eyes. I know He’s called me by name, my entire life, to seek His face. I know that real beauty comes in a humble confidence, in a sincere compliment.
Lord, help me to seek You first in all things, remind me not to compare my beauty to anyone else because we all are unique and different, re-instill in me the confidence that comes from being Your daughter, and give me the wisdom to know you created me as a work of art, a one-of-a-kind masterpiece that you adore, that I am beautiful because I am your creation.
-Daughter of the King-
"We need to start planning something for her, my little honey is going to be 2. Her birthday is only a month away." He said. I think my heart lept. I went from a normal state to dreaming of pink balloons, cupcakes & minnie mouse. Quite honestly, thats all I’ve thought about for the last 24 hours. I want the suprised face, the one when her eyes get huge and she leans her head back, and she says "WAAAOOOW." "Minney Moo?!"
What incredible special traditions can we start so she always feels loved and cherished? How can we make sure together that her time with us is always a positive loving environment? There was a moment, actually many, when I felt uncertain about having children or being secure I had what it took; children are an investment, one that you cannot change your mind about. They are to be loved, provided for, encouraged, and nurtured. The things you want for yourself take a backseat to the wants and needs of this little life now depending on you. You simply go all in and continue the course for the rest of your life. I thought at some point during pregnancy and having a baby something magical happens that makes you awesome mommyish material and until that happened personally, I didn’t have what it was going to take. I think I was wrong, something magical happens I know, but its not related to being mommyish material. The awesome mommyish material comes from learning from professionals who have raised generations, its comes from learning and listening to those who have done it before. I give God a wink right here because usually I like to “do it my way” and “don’t need any help” but strategically He orchestrated a beautiful climate in which my eyes are open to see there is no shame in inexperience.
Between the giggles and words strung together which I can’t quite make out yet, I look over at her dad and know I’m right where I’m supposed to be and I wouldn’t want anything different. Hearing her say my name and reach for me solidfies in me, I do want family, I want this family. So as I plan for birthday #2, I’m not worried I wasn’t the one who brought her into this world, but I rest in knowing I am the one who has been called to be the woman next to her dad; to support him, encourage him, and fiercely love him.